Retiree Alice Cheng, 65, recalls the stressful, anxious nights spent lying in bed, straining her ears to listen for any cries for help from her late father during his final months. As his primary caregiver, Alice endured immense physical, mental and emotional strain while caring for him through end-stage Parkinson’s disease.
“I think I developed post-traumatic stress disorder from those months of constant anxiety and straining to listen for him. I can still feel the tension in my neck and ears,” she shared. “Caring for my late father was immensely stressful and heartbreaking.”
Simultaneously, Alice was also the primary caregiver to her mother, who has early-stage dementia. This double burden led to her experiencing frequent bouts of depression.
“I often asked the Lord, ‘Why me?’” she tearfully shared, reflecting on her lonely and arduous caregiving journey. Alice’s three brothers, all married with families, support by sharing caregiving costs and visiting occasionally.
“I reasoned that maybe God didn’t plan for me to marry so I could care for my parents,” said Alice. “Sometimes, when my mum is being difficult, I joke about finding someone to marry and moving out.”
Due to her dementia, Mrs Cheng displayed symptoms such as memory loss, confusion, behavioural changes like refusing to leave the house and inability to perform everyday tasks. Alice, tending to her mother’s every need with little respite, became socially withdrawn and developed caregiver burnout. After her father’s passing last year, Alice also struggled with the emotional weight of grief and bereavement.
“When my father passed, I missed him dearly but felt relieved at not having to endure another stressful night or see him in pain. Unless someone has walked this journey, they can’t understand how lonely, stressful and dark solo caregiving can be,” Alice said.
